For those wondering minds out there, it was back at the tail-end of June 2000 when Marvel vs. Capcom 2 made its first console debut in the United States on the Dreamcast.  Since then, both the PlayStation 2 and Xbox received ports of said title, and last year Xbox Arcade and PSN were graced with ports based on the Dreamcast edition (widely regarded as the best version based on the arcade box) last Summer.

Here’s the one “complicating” factor.  Were you hoping that Marvel vs. Capcom 3 would take on the visual style of the previous title, just with that extra “HD sheen” that last year’s ports got?

You were?

*sigh*

What if I “saw” your desire for a pure 2D aesthetic…and “raised” you something akin to Street Fighter 4‘s latest visual incarnation?

Wait…wait…what are you doing?  No.  No.  I’m not going to do it.  I’m not going to toss this toaster in the tub you currently occupy.  You had your chance in ’08 with Prince of Persia.

That, and…while I can’t quite explain why, the trailer doesn’t quite look as Street Fighter 4-ish as Street Fighter 4 does.  That’s a good thing.  Let’s quick clarify one thing though; does Street Fighter 4 look horrible?  No.  It’s just that for those of us that wanted another 2D game, SF4 didn’t deliver in that respect.  Point made?  Good.

The trailer does little, other than: 1.  Prove the game will actually happen.  2.  Give us a look at the title’s art style and 3.  Confirm at least a few of the individuals that will be in this third installment.

Take a gander, join me after the vid.  Can I call it a “vid”?  Is that 90′s?  Whatevs.

Some thoughts:

–Okay, so this thing is only 1:26 in the first place.  We don’t see any footage until the 00:26 mark, and the last fifteen seconds are credits.  That means *heading off to Google to do the math* that there’s only forty-five seconds of “footage” (it’s in quotes because I hesitate to declare whether or not what we’ve seen is pre-rendered).  Should I be upset with that?  Not certain.

–Ryu and Wolverine?  Does anybody stand a chance against Wolverine?  Is it possible to “Hadoken” him into nothing?  Can anyone answer these important questions?

–Iron Man and Morrigan?  Umm, first off, Iron Man looks super shiny, and I approve of that.  Morrigan looks like her clothing is loosely attired as usual…and I approve of that as well.  Tony Stark would do well to remember that she’s a succubus and all before engaging in a romantic free-fall with her though.

–Hulk and…Chris Redfield?  Ughh…really?  Okay Capcom, I’ll make you a deal, I won’t bitch about Chris, if you bring back Jill Valentine.

And maybe Leon Kennedy.  He had a badass jacket.

And Frank West.

Because he’s covered wars…

…you know.

That’s when I generally end up calling up Kurt/Zander/insert another equally gaming-addicted friend and making a trip to Best Buy or GameStop.  However, this isn’t always the most efficient way to discover that nothing remains (or that, remarkably, something still remains) for one to waste spend money on.  Time is money…and so is gasoline, for that matter.

What am I going to do about it?  The usual, sob uncontrollably and reach for whatever frozen food item in the freezer contains the most Trans Fats.

I mean…do a little investigative work on the “oh-so” wonderful website known as GameFaqs to check upcoming titles without having to leave the messy confines of my room.  Isn’t the Internet great like that (and by “that” I mean providing ceaseless fodder for “To Catch A Predator”)?  Of course, their system has a couple faults; namely that they force the reader to go to the sub-page for each console to pull up its respective list, instead of conveniently placing the combined releases for all consoles on one page.  In addition, and I can’t blame them for this, they don’t sift through the list to remove such “quality” titles as anything prefaced with “Bratz”  or from Ubisoft’s “Imagine” series.

You, my friend, are more than likely a quality gamer…the sort that does not buy titles of that sort, nor do you need to tire your strained eyes further reading such drivel.  So let me do it for you.  Below is a list of titles that have just come out/soon will arrive on consoles, and a short blurb on why it just might merit purchasing.

Wii

4/20–Monster Hunter Tri–Look, it’s arguably the best looking game on the Wii, it’s reviewing well, and for 60 dollars it comes with the “Classic Controller Pro.”  Essentially, it’s a WYSIWYG game: Your job is to…well…hunt down massively over-sized creatures, underwater and on land with axes, swords, and other sharp monster-carving implements.  It also has free online play, and actively supports Wii Speak.

Nietzsche: He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster."--I don't think he was talking about this game.

4/27–2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa–This game already has three things working against it, to be honest.  First, it’s a sports game, which most hardcore gamers tend to scorn, as one cannot play as Samus Aran in some disrobed state or as any member of the Belmont Clan.  Secondly, of all sports, it’s the one that’s low-scoring and the rest of the world loves, ergo we as Americans have an obligation to hate it.  Finally, it’s the Wii version of a sports game: poor controls, stupid Wii-motion utilization, and low-res graphics.  However, if you happen to like soccer and you only have a Wii and you can’t wait for the next actual FIFA or Winning Eleven title…then this is for you.

5/18–Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands–One has to respect when developers putting out a title on a plethora of platforms (alliteration FTW!) takes the time to properly weigh the strengths and weaknesses of each console, and custom build each title according to such.  This just so happens to be the case with The Forgotten Sands for the Wii, which is being designed separately from its PS3 and Xbox 360 counterparts by Ubisoft’s Quebec City studio with the intent of covering a different chapter of the Prince’s adventures.  It also just so happens to look amazing.  Personally, I think if this “semi-tie-in” title happens to suck (see: 2008′s Prince of Persia) it won’t, unlike much of the time, be isolated to the Wii edition.  That’s a compliment, for those Wii owners not paying attention.  P.S.  Ubisoft?  Don’t give me another reason to hate you, i.e, destroy my favorite franchise of yours.

5/23–Super Mario Galaxy 2–Does it even merit any sort of follow-up info in addition to the title?  It’s Mario, so you know it’ll be good…people will buy it regardless.  I kid.  In all seriousness, the shift of the franchise in the Galaxy direction was a good one…I can name more than a few gamers that were disappointed with Mario’s H20 Jetpack Adventure (myself included) that think Galaxy more than makes up for it.  Yeah, I know, I know…some people worry that popular franchise titles shouldn’t have sequels…Final Fantasy X-2, anyone?  Others might complain that the game is nothing more than a “level pack” expansion to the original with a few twists.  It just might be such…and that’s fine.

If you don't think romping around on a planet remarkably shaped like Mario's head sounds like fun...you are likely going to hell. Have fun.

DS

5/04–Dementium II–I don’t own a DS, but I did play the first Dementium for about an hour and a half.  That probably makes me about as qualified to speak about it as most of those folks on those Holiday Inn Express commercials.  I can say this though…those looking to “fill up” their ” handheld first-person survival-horror tank” (it’s behind the premium) would do well to look into the franchise.  You get to roam around a sanitarium once more, there’s an increased emphasis on melee weapons, and the ability to use the flashlight in conjunction with single-handed weapons is a huge addition too.  There’s not much else to say, really.  This is the sort of genre that tends to appeal to a select audience, who will buy the game (barring an awful critical reception) on the genre’s limited offerings recently (especially on handhelds).

5/18–Blue Dragon: Awakened Shadow–Unlike Dementium II, the DS market is already quite saturated with RPGs…many that happen to be better than the latest offering in Mistwalker’s recent title.  They got the guy (Akira Toriyama) who created Dragon Ball Z (something for which I know next to nothing, but appreciate his style) and did the art design for Dragon Quest VIII, (a visual masterpiece) as well as the other titles in the series…and that’s the best he could do for character design?  *Groan*  Famitsu magazine gave the game a 31/40, so unless you really love the franchise, or have exhausted all other DS RPG options (if that’s the case, I’m really disturbed!) then it might be worth doing a little extra research on the game.

I honestly don't find any of this art design appealing. Why did I buy Blue Dragon for the 360 anyway? Oh, that's right, I wanted to play an RPG.

Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands–a quick cursory search doesn’t yield much about this pocket sized edition of the Prince.  Just know that it’s there if, you know, you wanted it.  Last couple ones were decent.

PSP

4/23–Harvest Moon: Hero of Leaf Valley–Do I love my Harvest Moon games?  Yes.  Yes I do.  Am I aware that all of them are essentially the same game?  Absolutely…when one does not take the Rune Factory series into consideration.  Specifically, the game’s more or less been confirmed to be a rehashing/remake of the PlayStation 2′s title Harvest Moon: Save the Farm…once again your hometown of Sugar Village stands to be bulldozed to hell unless you can do something about it.  However, there’s now sixteen different paths to accomplish such, instead of the original nine.  Whatever that means.  Given a choice, I’d still play Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life over any of the other ones any day of the week.

5/25–ModNation Racers (PSP Edition)–Ever wondered what would happen if Little Big Planet met Mario Kart?  Well, the emphasis on user generated content will hit the race track at the tail-end of May for both the PSP and its big brother, the PS3.  Not much has been said about the differences between the two consoles, aside from the fact that the PS3′s online multiplayer will allow up to 12 participants in a race, while the PSP has been capped at 6.  Other than that, expect a freakish amount of customization in track design, as well as driver design, and Little Big Planet’s love for importing characters from other games is also found here.  Preorders can land you Nathan Drake, Ratchet and Clank, or Kratos as it stands.

As much as I like these guys, you gotta admit that the Sackboy edition of Kratos was cuter. Though, that probably was the point.

June will be a bit kinder to the PSP, offering up such gems as Disgaea: Infinite and Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker on the 8th…but until then…hang tight, play something older/a different system…or begin to rethink only owning a PSP.

Xbox 360

4/27–2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa–Remember that soccer title we discussed in the Wii section of this post?  Imagine it with slightly better controls, functional online play, and HD graphics.  Still not interested?  That’s what I thought.

Dead to Rights: Retribution–Looking for a 3rd person “over-the-shoulder” shooter in which a renegade cop with “nothing-left-to-lose” teams up with a dog to take down a city ridden with crime?  You’re not?  Well…supposing you were, and you were excited at the prospect of ordering Shadow to strangle people, or hold them in place so you can shoot them…then Retribution might be your sort of title.  Otherwise, this title sounds so derivative, and…well, let me be honest: this franchise was barely average the first time; a poor man’s Max Payne (down to the bullet time) if you will.

NIER–Alright, I’ve been giving Kurt a hard time over how the main character looks unusually aged to be the protagonist in a Japanese RPG, but that aside, NIER has potential.  It’s a RPG with an emphasis on action, as Nier attempts to find a cure for his sick daughter, who is suffering from something known as The Black Scrawl, which has also been linked to the appearance of enemies known as shades.  Nier is joined by several interesting characters in this predictably drawn-out quest, and you’ll be able to gain proficiency in martial arts, magic, and weapons, both single and two-handed.  Again, it’s a simple question of whether or not you like Japanese-developed action RPGs, essentially.

See what I mean, the guy looks old, even for a dad! In the version of the game that Japan gets, he's younger.

Super Street Fighter IV–Let’s start with a simple question: Do you already own Street Fighter IV? If “yes”…do you really, really like it?  If “yes” is still your answer, then shelling out $40 dollars will net you: ten new characters (8 from previous games) an additional alternate costume for each character from Street Fighter IV, as well as the addition of an “ultra combos” system, and some new online modes.  However, if you like fighting games, and you don’t own Street Fighter IV (an odd scenario, I know) then this is almost a no-brainer.

5/11

Batman: Arkham Asylum (GOTY)–Umm….WHY DON’T YOU OWN THIS GAME ALREADY?  Now go to your room and think about your life.  And how it’s frightfully meaningless without playing said game.

Lost Planet 2–So remember the effort to make the planet E.D.N III a livable one in Lost Planet? Well, it’s ten years since the mech-hopping, snow-laden events of the first title, and the snowdrifts reminiscent of Buffalo, NY have given way to jungles, and the sorts of locales most couples visit for their honeymoon, and end up with Giardia.  Big improvement?  As you aren’t in the Arctic Circle anymore, you’re not continually losing T-Energy (even though that’s what everybody is still fighting over)…only seeing it diminish when you use certain weapons or pilot mechs.  There’s also an increased emphasis on co-op play, and instead of Wayne from the first game, you customize your own character from a blank slate.

Skate 3–EA’s latest entry in the “Tony Hawk-dethroning” skateboard series hopes to make things easier for the rest of us who actually began to wonder if skateboarding wouldn’t be easier to do in real life.  They’ve added more help sessions with the assistance of a certain character called “Coach Frank” who is played by Jason Lee.  This, in its own right, is a huge reason to buy the game.  Interesting fact: before he became an actor, Lee was a professional skateboarder. I shit you not.  I like the aesthetic, as well as the options and customization…but unless this series “dumbs down” the controls for those of us who can’t “flick the c-stick” with the best of ‘em…I’m a-gonna pass.

This man teaches lessons...in awesomeness.

5/18

Alan Wake–Look, if you haven’t figured out from all my other posts that Alan Wake is going to kick ass, take names…and then possibly kick some more ass…then you’re probably new to my site.  In that case…umm…Hello.  I’m Nick.  Now go read about how the creators of the Max Payne franchise created this Twin Peaks inspired masterpiece.

Red Dead Redemption–I’ve already written a fair amount about this as well, but if you’re still in the dark, let me give you a basic premise.  Do you like Grand Theft Auto 4′s “go anywhere, do anything” premise?  How about we transplant that from Liberty City to the Wild West around the turn of the 20th Century?  Wanna hunt buffalo and be chased by cougars?  Ride horses into the sunset and use a lasso?  Get into a duel or an all-out brawl in a saloon?  Well, so do the rest of us, and that’s why we’ll be buying Rockstar’s Red Dead Redemption on May 18th.  That simple, people.

Split/Second–I know, some of you will write it off as “just another racing game” but, like BLUR, I think this has potential…after all, it is by the guys that made PURE. The premise is interesting: you’ll fill a certain meter by performing stunts, or driving techniques like closely passing someone or drafting.  Fill it up and you’ll be able to trigger such abilities as creating obstacles for other competitors, giving you shorter routes to take, or even changing the course altogether.  The trick is that the more you fill the bar, the more powerful these moves are, creating a certain strategy as to holding off to the end, or utilizing them in small, but less-powerful bursts throughout the race.

Prince of Persia: Forgotten Sands–If this ends up like the old PoP games (which it looks like it might be, both visually and puzzle-wise) then all will be well.  If this turns out to be more of a movie tie-in than an actual title, and attempts ANY of the “hand-holding” and “it’s all good” mentality of the 2008 release, then we’re all really in trouble.

Yes, I know...there have been rumors about this screenshot being a prerendered, or at the very least airbrushed...but it gives me hope. Those skeletons look PISSED!!!

PS3

This is simple.  Take the 360 releases, remove Alan Wake, and add 3D Dot Game Heroes, which (in addition to coming out on 5/11) looks like a 2D Zelda title in a 3D world.  Though, frankly, it just looks weird, but not entirely in a bad way.  If you’re into Zelda or retro games of that fashion…or just know that everything From Software does is kooky in a “at the very least above average” way, then you might want to take a gander.  Also, add the PS3 version of ModNation.

PC

Honestly, I’m very unfamiliar with any of the titles coming out over the next month or two for PC.  Anybody that’s really into PC gaming, feel free to fill me in on what possibly might be a launch purchase for PC in your future.

However blatant “old-school” advertising is something that’s usually been reserved for those with the cash and presence to afford 30 second spots…aka, the latest Square Enix title (I still remember the catchy Kingdom Hearts commercials) or Bioware’s recent “black hole of time consumption.”  But the Internet has changed all that, with sites like GameTrailers and Youtube offering cost-free venues to host advertisements, which in turn yield hundreds of thousands of hits.

Yet many of these tv-based ads amount to nothing more than a graphical showcase, which, admittedly, isn’t always the strongest suit for up-and-coming titles (especially those on Xbox Live’s Arcade and PSN)  That’s when it pays to be creative and not be under the “30 second dash” of TV.  It is possible, contrary to what you may believe, to still get people to want to buy something without sending oodles of breakable crates to well-known bloggers (coughDante’s Infernocough) or creating entire alternate reality games like Halo 2′s I Love Bees campaign.

Sometimes all it takes is some minimalist animation and a healthy helping of non sequiturs, with a side of nostalgia.  That’s exactly what this advert for Final Fight: Double Impact has achieved, in my opinion.  Join me after the jump…if you don’t end up looking up the three or four other installments in the series.

For those that don’t know, Mike Haggar is arguably the most well known character from the Final Fight, and as one might assume from the genre in which his games take place, as well as his burgeoning stature, he’s not exactly an “Ivory Tower” intellectual.  But, like many people who seek to get involved in politics at the microcosmic level (and, alarmingly…quite a few at the “big stage” of politics too) speech-making and sheer intellect aren’t always emphasized.

Sometimes, guttural noises and biceps the size of Mack trucks is enough.

I LOVE the decision to only have Haggar only speak with his little sound clips from past Final Fight titles.  Great call.  Throw in the nostalgia of the old arcade box upon which the franchise began, and the sheer oddity of his debate opponent throwing up, and I’m totally up for getting this.

Also, the self-deprecating nature of the ad…poking fun at the fact that ex-Professional Wrestler Mike Haggar actually is the Mayor of Metro City in the Final Fight series…and having to confront what the non close-combat responsibilities of such a position would be like for Haggar, is pretty hysterical.

Oh, and all the “blowing up brick wall” text graphics.  Very Nineties.  Love those too.

Like I said, there are several other installments, which can be found on Youtube or GameTrailers, most of which are equally entertaining, though the post-animation part of every ad is the same…just so you know.

What do you guys think?  Is it funny?  Unfunny?  A clever ad tactic or derivative?  More importantly, do you want Haggar as your Mayor?

Just ask  Billy Corgan, or whoever that country singer was that sang the song before he covered it with the Pumpkins.

I, on the other hand, embrace change.

It’s a nice way of saying that you lack the focus, determination, and drive to stick with something without…well…typing exactly what I just typed.

Anyway, when I ask my friends what they would change/like to see with the site, they generally list off a lot of things.  Then I ask what they’d really like to see dealt with…and for some of my readers, they, quite simply, find my articles to be too long.

Understandable.

Brevity…it has never been my forte.

However, that’s not to say that I won’t attempt, at least at a superficial level, to take these recommendations under advisement.  Naturally, it got me thinking on just what I could do implement something of this sort.  One was to pull a “CNN”: Namely, offer a one sentence summary at the top of every article for those who really don’t have the time to read what is already a succinct article.  Another was to simply reedit articles so that I ended up with a secondary, abridged edition.  Honestly though, that’s too much work.

So, I pondered a bit more, and…(wait for this, people)…turned my gaze to that entity known as Twitter.

I know, right?

Twitter’s one and only enforced rule of 140 characters has often been a challenge for me, but it has forced me (often violently and with quite a few tears) to get to the point.  And perhaps (just maybe) using that 140 character limit could assist me in making some posts not rival War and Peace in length.

Here’s what I’m thinking.  With this new series I’m going to pull ten gaming news articles/editorials/reviews from across the entirety of the gaming universe.  With each, I’m only going to have the above-mentioned length limitations to introduce it, as well as briefly touch on why I think it’s interesting/informative/relevant.  It won’t replace my “8 Gaming Tidbits” series, nor will they touch on the same articles (at least, not most of the time) as the latter tends to focus on the slightly more obscure and has more of an op/ed touch while the former is going to lean towards news briefs.  Anyway, let’s try this out, shall we?

Editor’s Note: I’ll be cheating in one method only…I’m not including the hyperlink as part of the 140…otherwise I’d be tempted to run them all through bit.ly…and I’m not really up for that.  It’s this simple, scan the headlines, if you wanna know more, just follow the source to the article.

1.  Apparently Activision isn’t really that evil, and treats employees disturbingly well.  Unbiased source: Activision.

Source–Destructoid

2.  Remember GRIN?  Did Terminator Salvation, Bionic Commando?  Also did BC: Rearmed?  Back under a new name, making games like Rearmed.  Yay!!!

Source–GameSpot

3.  Marvel vs. Capcom 3?  Probably going to happen late ’10/early ’11.  Will follow Street Fighter 4′s 3D characters on 2D backgrounds model.

Source–Joystiq

4.  Game demos are apparently expensive to make, a thing of the past…says the CEO of the “oh-so” frugal developer Crytek. (They made Crysis)

Source–1UP

5.  Red Dead Redemption, 1st Rockstar game w/multiple difficulty settings.  Will one keep your friends from wanting to hang out? (coughGTA4cough)

Source–Kotaku

6.  New power-up for Super Mario Galaxy 2?  Allows you to resemble the Stay-Puft Marshmellow Man.  I mean, become “Cloud Mario”…crazy pants.

Source–IGN

7.  There’s a 300 dollar Limited Folio Edition of the Uncharted 2 art book.  Simple test to discover if you are wealthy/crazy: buy this.

Source–Joystiq

8.  New 2D adventure series by Telltale Games?  Might be upcoming, titled The Mystery of Scroggins.  Looks like Silent Hill meets Monkey Island.

Source–Destructoid

9.  Wanna be involved in the lead-up to Guild Wars 2?  Then Guild Wars Beyond might just be your cup of MMORPG tea.  Supposing you drink tea.

Source–Kotaku

10.  New WoW mounts just so happen to generate $500,000 dollars an hour.  Apparently.  It costs 25 dollars, and gives no benefits.  Oh, joy.

Source–1UP

Well, what do you guys think?  Does it make for a fast, yet semi-informative read, that provides quick and easy links for those willing to investigate further?

God, I hope so.

Unalterable rules of life as we know it: Shit happens, Let the Wookie win, and never interrupt an Irishman to discuss the true meaning of "freedom" when he's drinking.

But, the Irish, they aren’t exactly renown for their ability to scale Parisian apartments.  That’s the general sort of task best reserved for select protagonists of a pair of Ubisoft franchises.  However, Pandemic Studios decided it would be in their best interest to develop a title in which an Irish race car driver named Sean Devlin, amongst a large amount of alcohol and nicotine consumption, pilots fast moving vehicles, kills Nah-zees (100 scalps apiece, plz) and, yes, exhibits an uncanny ability to vertically navigate the high-up dwellings of Paris.

Yes, we’ve all seen (at least, I’d like to think) practically every single WWII combat scenario played out thanks to the Call of Duty, Medal of Honor, and Brothers in Arms franchises, along with a few extraneous other titles.  A cursory glance at The Saboteur naturally leads one to this line of related questioning: Haven’t we said all that needs to be said about WWII?  What’s an Irishman doing in Paris anyway?  Isn’t this just a modern Assassin’s Creed? Allow me to answer these questions in the order they were respectively posed before moving on to the review: Apparently not…that’s a major plot point…and yes, in some ways it resembles Assassin’s Creed…though no more than any modern “hack and slash” bears semblance to the God of War franchise.

(clears throat, looks up at lengthy intro, straightens tie, and noticing that the word count is already clear into the mid 300s, attempts to begin this review)

Okay, so pretty much all of the paragraphs up to this point are an attempt to wittily get at the fact that Sean Devlin is essentially Altair/Ezzio with a satchel and a brogue, when it comes to climbing ability, that’s all.  Now let’s get down to business.

Someone would be wise to plug Sean into that weird-ass DNA reading machine (I think it's the ANIMUS, but I hated the first Assassin's Creed so much I don't feel like looking it up) because I'm pretty damn sure he and Altair are related.

The Saboteur is a late 2009 release from Pandemic Studios (Star Wars Battlefront, Mercenaries) and also happens to be their last title before Electronic Arts effectively dissolved the studio outright.  The story involves an Irishman named Sean Devlin, who happens to be a mechanic-turned-race car driver for Vittore Morini, in the months leading up to the Nazis takeover of France.

*SPOILERS* IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW JUST WHY YOU’RE THE SABOTEUR, STOP READING NOW

Sean ends up in a Grand Prix race meant to showcase the supposed superiority of the Third Reich and is well on his way to victory, when a German driver named Dierker shoots out Sean’s tire just as they go around the last turn.  Of course, being the temperamental Irishman that he is, Sean isn’t about to put up with this, and decides that he and his co-worker/best friend Jules (Vittore’s son) will opt for the “eye for an eye” approach…aka, wreck Dierker’s car.

Problem is, seconds after launching the car off of a bluff, the Nazis (being unusually clever) discover your shenanigans, capture you, and subject the two of you to archaic and cruel interrogation processes, convinced that the two of you are working for Britain’s Special Operations Executive branch.  Turns out Dierker is Nazi brass, and after Jules attempts to honestly plead that he’s not an agent, Dierker has him killed.

Ah, Dierker. Pretty certain this is his Facebook profile pic...being a huge dick and all.

*END SPOILERS*  It sounds like a fairly simple narrative lead-in, but it creatively doubles as a tutorial, instead of subjecting the player to a instruction-laden and plot-free level before they can get around to the actual “meat” of the game.  Emotionally, it’s quite compelling as well…you were the one that encouraged Jules to join you in your attempt to “get even” with the Reich’s racing division, and all the honesty in the world couldn’t stop the Nazis from murdering him in front of you.  Furthermore, it was your very presence that gave Dierker the notion that the two of you might be working for SOE.

This is not a game about a noble, heroic and selfless patriot, giving his all to preserve the (mostly) helpless French.

It’s about a guilt-fueled and vice-driven Irishman attempting to keep his promise to murder Kurt Dierker.  Despite all of the varied causes and ideals Sean is encouraged to aspire to, his attention remains undivided from the goal to “rain shells” on the man who killed Jules.

Too many games these days attempt to provide us with a haughty and convoluted socio-political justification for massive destruction, as if tearing Paris apart in the name of one man is seemingly irresponsible.  Yet, we all have our personal reasons behind our social (collective) actions, and Pandemic understands this perfectly.  Now, it must be said that the plot development following this introductory sequence (and the very linear ending of the game) isn’t as strong, but it’s still competent enough to drive the title along.

The Saboteur’s gameplay centers around the frighteningly-accurate backdrop of Paris during the Nazi occupation.  Paris (and the surrounding locales) offer up primary and secondary missions, which further the plot and liberate Paris, respectively.  Both, of course, also provide the player with contraband, the black market currency necessary to acquire new weapons and explosives, repair cars, and purchase weapon upgrades, amongst other things.  The emphasis on completing secondary missions isn’t spelled out well by the game, but they accomplish two main goals: they pay well, and they assist in what Pandemic Studios has labeled as “ambient freeplay” aka, the sandbox portion of the game.

...one mission is basically The Polar Express...with Nazis. And by that...I mean it involves a train. So basically, it's Uncharted 2. Just kidding. Kinda.

Specifically, clearing out the Nazi occupation isn’t just about running through Parisian buildings of interest, cutting down every goose-stepping bastard as you go (though this is certainly true of a couple missions).  It involves exploding propaganda speakers, observation towers, sniper nests, fueling stations, AA turrets, spotlights, and much, much more.  In the vein of Freedom Fighters (LOVE THAT GAME) you can choose to ignore the majority of the sorts of Nazi infrastructure listed above, if you really desire.  However, take a few minutes every now and then to clear out a couple of these “freeplay targets” and it’ll make the core missions easier, reducing the amount of opposition you face, as well as ensuring a less-eventful escape route.  See, unless you have magical abilities, you’ll likely have to bust out the hardcore firepower on multiple missions…and this means that the Nazis are more than likely to pull the alarm on you.

Much like in GTA, the more you fight, the higher the alarm level escalates (ranging from 1 to 4), taking things from a Sturmwagen of SS troops to tanks and zeppellin-mounted machine guns.  If you want to drop the alarm level, there are several creative methods (rooftop hiding spots, kissing girls, fightback zones) but these are often contingent on your location, the level of support you have in said area, and many are locked out on higher alarm levels etc…The easiest way is simply to outrun the red area circled on your mini-map, which will grow/move based on if you are spotted again while attempting to escape it.

"It was on that rain-swept evening, the drops splashing violently on the headstones, that Sean decided to teach the Nazis, once and for all, that it was not a purse, but a SATCHEL." Indiana Jones has one.

This, of course, is where removing freeplay targets is huge, take out those fascist observers several stories up, and your escape might just be possible.  The only problem is that most missions don’t really inform in advance just where it’ll be taking place, so you’ll have to agree to take on the mission before you scout out the area.  It’s a minor issue, though.  Freeplay also tends to emphasize more of a stealth approach than actual missions.

As most targets require the liberal application of dynamite, getting up close and personal is a requirement, which usually means stealth kills and/or disguises are too.  Considering that most freeplay targets only net 60-70 contraband apiece, it’s best to approach with one of the above-mentioned methods, light the fuse, and run (or walk, if in Nazi uniform) in the opposite direction, as gunfire and explosions cause the local area to be investigated by the local Nazis a few seconds down the line.  This is represented on your map as a yellow circle known the “suspicion zone”..and you’ll have to exit before Hitler’s best and brightest arrive on the scene.  It’s not worth it (especially in a heavily-occupied area) to be fighting off a level 3 alarm just because you less-than-carefully took down a guard post.

Before addressing the not-so-stealthy tactics, I should briefly say a few more words about the excellently executed disguise system.  To begin with, killing a Nazi is not grounds to instantly play “Pretty Pretty Stormtrooper.”  You can only don the clothes of those you defeat in fisticuffs or stealth-kill (trust me, second option is much better).  Secondly, if you get dressed while still in the line of sight of other Nazis, you’ll lose the disguise.  In addition, because your Irish roots aren’t too difficult to surmise under close inspection, remaining within a Nazi’s inspection range for 5-6 seconds will also have you back in your plainclothes, running from MP40 slugs.  “Why the hell would you ever want to use a disguise then,” you naturally ask.  Well, disguises let you onto Nazi property without instantly having any Nazi run for the alarm, and this allows for the possibility of stealth-kills on Nazi property.  They also allow you to carry a weapon in public without drawing Nazi attention, and also often allows for those oh-so valuable 2-3 seconds of surprise before the Nazi in question figures you must not love der Fuhrer…this is even moreso the case once you unlock more of the stealth weapons.

Note that Sean's black arrow icon in the bottom-left is well within the barbed wire circle and nobody is shooting at him? One of the many reasons (along with enjoying the age-old game "Third Reich Dress-Up") to use disguises.

However, mission-based gameplay has more of a classic third-person “run and gun” emphasis, with light cover elements until the end where you’ll rival Marcus Fenix in your sheer ability to dry-hump concrete.  Mission variety runs the spectrum of working for the SOE to remove the Nazi’s chemical warfare plants, to destroying a supply-fueled zeppelin set to reinforce Rommel’s desert warfare in Africa at the behest of an aged French Foreign Legion soldier, to killing a Nazi informant who has confessed his sins regularly to a priest who views your assassination of his congregant as an action God wholeheartedly permits.

Not only will you take on missions from such different folk as a museum curator who wants you to assist her in saving France’s cultural objects to a Chinese psychiatrist who wants you to play babysitter to his Nazi edition of “The Manchurian Candidate,” but the constant variety of objectives (sniping important leaders, tailing people’s cars, breaking resistance leaders out of prisons, sheer destruction) keeps things exciting.  Skip the secondary missions, and you’ll sadly miss out on a lot of this (as well as a very large amount of contraband).

The firearms offered are historically accurate and the ability to acquire imported weapons (such as America’s Thompson Machine Gun or the British Sten SMG) will often give you a safer (and stronger) alternative to stealing dead men’s guns…though sticking with German guns will still get you to the end of the game without much of a fuss.  Specifically you’ll be allowed to carry grenades, dynamite and two weapons at any time (no class restrictions, thankfully).  Guns cannot be upgraded beyond purchasing them at the store (so you don’t lose them when you die) and a simple ammo upgrade for each class of weapons.  The black market for cars mostly works the exact same way, save for the upgrade correlating to a stronger armor.  The gameplay isn’t really ground-breaking in any aspect, but the controls are well-mapped, the “take cover and heal” mechanic keeps things from feeling downright impossible, and the exhilarating feeling of rapidly gunning down Nazis en route to your getaway car is one you won’t mind repeating over and over again.

In fact, the only semi-sorta-kinda new concepts come in the form of “Perks” and “Strikes.”  The former works like an “in-game” achievement system of sorts, perks are divided into several categories organized around elements of gameplay such as driving, sniping, and sabotage, along with a few others.  Within each one of these categories are a bronze, silver, and gold perk that the player will be rewarded with upon completion of a certain goal.  For example, if you kill 10 Nazis with grenades, you’ll unlock the ability to carry more grenades, as a bronze perk.  Get 15 headshots with a sniper scope and you’ll earn the silver perk “Eagle Eye” which reduces the recoil when using scopes.  It’s something certainly worth looking into, as you have to earn both the bronze and silver perks in each category before unlocking the ability to “go for the gold”…and the golds offer up some pretty amazing weaponry, as well as the ability to plant dynamite disguised w/o guards getting suspicious, no knockdown from explosions…etc.  Strikes aren’t as fun or necessary, but they allow you to summon resistance fighters to assist you or getaway cars.  Neither (due to the surplus of automobiles and the ineptitude of ally AI) are necessary.

I thing I ABSOLUTELY love about the Saboteur...the perk/interface art. Downright stunning, guys. PLEASE click on the image for a closer look

Graphically, The Saboteur is a mixed bag.  The use of the black and white (and Nazi Red) subdued palette in “occupied” areas, which gives way to bright colors upon liberation is a nice touch, even though we’ve seen similar effects in Okami and Prince of Persia.  Here it’s not just aesthetic, though.  A quick glance at just how dreary things look down the road will easily give you an idea if you’ve got a couple stray guards at a remote fueling station or a sector of Paris trembling under the weight of the Nazi jackboot.  In addition, the spots of color to highlight such things as Skylar’s blue scarf (or other things that exemplify the Resistance effort) are a nice alternative to the only three colors in the Nazi crayon set.

The modeling, for the main characters is above average, but the animations often come across as a little too basic or jerky, and you’ll often see recycled animations in in-game cutscenes (Sean’s reaction to near-everything is to cross his arms and half-shake his head) you could swear you just viewed ten minutes before.  The explosions, however, are always a joy to watch, you’ll find yourself panning the camera around, as Sean walks away, to admire the blast.  Cool guys don’t look at explosions, and Sean’s no different.  The frame rate remains steady throughout the entire game, and there’s hardly ever any clipping or other technical issues.  Overall, visually, The Saboteur is above industry standards, but is no Mass Effect 2.

Sound, like the visuals, is equally deserving of praise and scorn.  hearing the jazzy tunes of Nina Simone and Billie Holiday, amongst others while driving, is a real treat…and while they start to repeat a little too soon, that only diminishes the enjoyment slightly.  While the original score is equally epic, the voice acting is serviceable at best.  The fact that Sean’s accent comes across as a poor caricature of the Irish brogue…as an Englishman, hoping us idiotic Americans won’t be able discern the difference…really hurts things.  Both Skylar and Veronique’s voice actors do an above average job, and Dierker, for as little as you encounter him, gives us the over-the-top German Nazi accent we were hoping for.  Sound effects are simply the industry standard, though the guns and explosions are exemplary.  Bottom line, if you mute the cutscenes, you’ll be fine.  The banter of the Parisians and Nazi grunts is comical, though, especially when you mow over either with your car.

I have no real reason for posting this image in the context of the surrounding paragraphs. The first one was just too awesome to leave unaccompanied by another.

In the end, The Saboteur blends effective gameplay with a compelling premise, and with the insane amount of freeplay targets, offers up a large amount (albeit of the “rinse-repeat” variety) of replay value.  Yet you never feel like it’s its own game, instead, the cobbled together contents of Assassin’s Creed (climbing and vertical elements), Mercenaries (blow everything up), and your average sandbox title.

In fact, it’s almost as if Pandemic took Mercenaries 2, gave it a plot and set it back in the 1940s with an emphasis on vertical instead of horizontal exploration, amped up the graphics, and gave the game a decent pacing element, instead of the “umm…what random boring activity for which faction should I do now?” of Mercenaries 2. However, as Fable II clearly demonstrated, just because you fix faulty elements and/or deliver on promises for past entries in said series…doesn’t mean you’ll have a downright amazing game on your hands.  Still, The Saboteur is a quality “swan song” on the part of Pandemic Studios…leaving a far less sour taste in our mouths than if Lord of The Rings: Conquest would have ended up as their last title.

Editor’s Note: The concept art in the post is from Imran’s (no last name on Blogger account) portfolio and the thumb on the front page is from Jason Hazelroth’s portfolio, both of which are obviously quite talented individuals, and hopefully have/will acquired work since Pandemic Studios shut down.

No, you cannot count the Marvel: Ultimate Alliance titles or any of the Marvel vs. Capcom games.

*pauses to allow you a couple more minutes to think…or Wiki stuff*

Alright, Ultimate Spider-Man was good, if you could look past the relative brevity of the title, as well as occasional frame-rate issues.  Hell, Web of Shadows wasn’t bad either…though I honestly can’t tell if that’s because of rapidly diminishing standards for the franchise, or genuine competency on the developer’s part.  Sure the visual style was slightly underwhelming and proper utilization of three or four combos was all that was necessary to complete the title…but it was fun…even if the good/evil dichotomy really wasn’t.

Point is, (unless I’ve missed something utterly obscure, there’s really only been one (pardon the pun) amazing Spider-Man title in almost thirty years.

Who’s to blame?

Well, I can’t speak for the handling of the franchise over the entirety of its existence, I feel somewhat comfortable with pointing the finger at Activision/Marvel, whichever decided that every one of the Toby Maguire-helmed films demanded a tie-in.  The first was not bad, the second was amazing, and the third was downright rubbish.  I’m not one to say that the “…if only we had more time” excuse is always a valid one, but…it never hurts.

Oh, and I’d also like to royally thank Activision for moving Treyarch off of development duties for the franchise so that they could make Call of Duty clones.  Great move there.  Rotating dev teams for Spider-Man games was a wonderful idea.  But not really.

Anyway, in the past couple weeks we’ve been introduced to the latest entry for our favorite web-slinger, Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions. As the title suggests, when an artifact called The Tablet of Order and Chaos ends up in fragmented form on the floor of whatever great corporeal overseeing being that owned it, different universes/dimensions start blurring into one another.  Spider-Man (because, clearly, Peter Parker has more than enough free time on his hands) is tasked with recovering these pieces from the four different dimensions in question, each of which is possessed by one of his arch-nemeses.

Now, I know what you’re thinking.  It’s more than likely is a variation on the theme of “this is stupid.”

Well, it strikes me as a hackneyed premise with an “end justifies the means” mentality.  By that I mean that developer Beenox and publisher Activision clumsily cobbled together this idea that allows for the team to visit four of the different universes that Spider-Man comics have existed in, probably hoping the sensory overload would make up for cohesive/compelling storytelling.

As of now, two of the universes have been made known: the Spider-Man of the Marvel Noir series and the mainstream 616 version (otherwise simply known as Amazing Spider-Man). The other two?  Activision says that they’ll reveal more at San-Diego Comic-Con and E3…but due to the intense speculation already occurring on gaming sites over the remaining pair, someone clearly needs to pat the publicists for Shattered Dimensions on the back.

If only they could rouse up some speculation on whether or not it’ll suck.

Oh snap.

Do I want the game to suck?  No.  I would like a Spider-Man game, sans suckage…if possible.

But this just seems over-ambitious…and when you throw in a release date of September (for a game we just learned about) being developed by a studio primarily known as a “porting house” for Activision (Beenox) whose few non-port titles include the film tie-ins for Monsters vs. Aliens, and the aptly-named Bee Movie Game…one has to worry, at least a little bit.

Anyway…roll that footage.  Join me afterwords, for tea and crumpets.

Some thoughts:

–Noir Spider-Man?  Whole creepin’ around and grabbin’ people?  Anyone else drawing Batman: Arkham Asylum comparisons?

–Whoawhoawhoa…hanging the guy upside-down, from some girder….this is Batman: Arkham Asylum!

–Will say this though, the look of Noir Spider-Man is tre’ cool.

–Anyone else feel that the trailer is like 75% Noir, 25% Amazing?  I get that most of us aren’t familiar with the Noir premise, but…come on.

–Animation overall strikes me as pretty jerky/incomplete…but perhaps that’s to be expected.

–First person brawling with Kraven?  Interesting.  Never saw this franchise as one that could translate to first-person…but I’m interested.

Anyway, what do you guys think?

More importantly, thoughts/HOPES for what the other two dimensions will be?  I’ve heard rumors of Marvel’s Zombies, amongst others.

We’re long overdue for another installment in the “8 Gaming Tidbits” series anyway.  As par usual, I’ve pulled roughly two handful’s worth (give or take) of gaming news announced in the past week or so and compiled them into this convenient single-post format.

I just care about all of you that much.

And we’re off.

#1 Xbox 360 Owners Need CONSOLEing After Star Wars: The Old Republic Rumors Are Quashed–So on March 29th the website VG247 got a memo from the UK’s equivalent of GameStop, GAME (this already sounds really reputable, doesn’t it?) that included a release list for Microsoft’s wunderconsole, the 360.  Now, this sure doesn’t sound like anything remarkable…except that it included Star Wars: The Old Republic.

Yes, I leafed through pages and pages of screenshots so that I could find one awesome enough that us console players would be depressed about not getting the game. Mission accomplished.

Within hours, developers addressed the issue and, to save you the wonderful PR “let’s not burn any bridges-speak” that was employed, I’ll give you the summary: Bioware said it shouldn’t have been on the list, as the game is currently “specific” to the Windows operating system “at this time.”

Few things to point out, first, let’s clearly note that Bioware has not ruled out the chance of it appearing on consoles, nothing seems to indicate that they’ve ruled out the notion or that they’re disinclined toward the thought of such.

Secondly, how many more times does this sort of thing have to happen?  GAME and the slightly-longer-named GameSpot put out these release date lists way way before the debuts are remotely solidified and sometimes, as in this case, the systems they’re put out on aren’t correct either.  I’d like to suggest that we stop attempting to take any of these lists seriously at all, but when they keep ladling out wonderful morsels of gaming hopefulness like this, it just gets harder and harder.

#2 Nintendo Takes Over From Micro$oft in Denying Sony its JRPG Supremacy–So remember when Final Fantasy VII came along and more or less pronounced to the world that the Sony PlayStation and its progeny would be heirs to the turn-based throne of random encounters and impossible-to-hoist weaponry?  Remember when the Gamecube had to make do with the likes of small children dragging around chalices of magical water when their Moogle got too tired to do it (which was about every 45 seconds) and the Xbox’s role-playing integrity (as well as Star Wars games in general) was miraculously saved by Bioware’s Knights of the Old Republic (Jade Empire helped too, for the record…Fable too, if you’re up for half-assed promises)?

Dear God, why did we think a Moogle could carry this, or that I would want to carry it? "Here, you guys pick up gold and fight things...I'll...lug this around."

Yeah…well…those days are over.  Sure, the PS3 has gotten some quality RPG titles in Demon’s Souls, Valkyria Chronicles, and Folklore, but Microsoft has held its own this generation with both entries in the Mass Effect series, Fable II, and Lost Odyssey, amongst others.  This, accompanied by the multi-platform approach of third-party RPGs, has resulted in neither being declared the outright victor of what I will only less-than-cleverly name the “RPG Wars.”  That, in itself, is a victory for Micro$oft.

But what about the Wii?  One cannot live on Paper Mario and the semi-sorta-kinda RPG-esque elements of Zelda alone (though I’m sure fanboys would love to argue this point).  And, apparently, this is exactly the sort of thing that several esteemed (and some not-so-much) developers have come upon lately.  Now, I’ll save you the trouble of having to listen to the “it won’t be a traditional ‘save the world’ narrative…but probably will” press release of Imageepoch’s title-in-development, Arc Rise Fantasia, but suffice to say, it looks like a quality title. And by that, I mean the main character looks like Sora from Kingdom Hearts. Amiright?

Photoshop in a keyblade and you've got the protagonist of the Disney/Squeenix franchise...or at least, something frighteningly similar. Click on the pic for a closer look.

If you’re looking for a developer with a decade’s-old pedigree in the genre, perhaps The Last Story by Mistwalker (aka, and to the tune of the Transformer’s theme, “Mist-walker…Square Enix in disguise!”) seems like less of a risk.  We don’t know much about it, but we have been clued-in to the fact that it’ll have a real-time battle system, take place on a series of islands, the architecture of the towns emulates France and Italy, town inhabitants moods will be dynamic, and that the game will include a class dynamic between the prestigious Knights, and the “on the front line” Mercenaries, who dream of becoming Knights.  Beyond that (and some very pretty concept art) and that more about the game will be revealed in “Spring 2010″..which is…now…we don’t know much.  So, keep those eyes peeled.

Finally, Xenoblade from Monolith Software (Baiten Kaitos, Xenosaga) looks very, very, pretty…and apparently isn’t an entry in the Xenosaga series.  Clearly this little point has gone on for far too long, so let me say this; those inquiring minds that want more info on Xenoblade would be wise to check out this interview with the director.

Yes, it's concept art, but it doesn't make Xenoblade any less beautiful.

P.S.  Isn’t it kinda funny that a game headed/made by many ex-Square Enix employees, known for games titled Final Fantasy…is titled The Last Story? I think it is.

#3 Microsoft Allows For Use of Flash Drives, Also Permits Hell to Freeze Over–So, remember late last Fall when Microsoft informed us that their latest software update was going to lock out “unauthorized storage devices” for the Xbox 360?  I think the one thing that disgusted most of us, more than this crack-down, was the fact that none of us even knew how/where to get our hands on this supposedly inferior third-party gear in the first place.

Well, Microsoft came around (three to four years after they probably should have) and on April 6th they started supporting USB flash drives. Now, being the entrepreneurial company that they are, Microsoft has teamed up with SanDisc to offer “first-party” USB devices with the added perks that they are “pre-formatted” and come with a free month of Gold.

Perhaps these sound like remotely convincing reasons to slip Bill Gates a couple bucks…until you realize that, as Tor Thorsen’s article points out, a month of Gold is realistically worth about $2.50, and the “formatting process” amounts to plugging the thing in, going to the System Settings tab, selecting the device, and saying “configure now.”

With deals like these...well, you won't be buying one. At least, not unless meth is involved.

What’s that?  We haven’t even discussed pricing?  Well, Tor does all the number crunching, but I’ll leave you with the bottom line.  Let’s take the Microsoft brand SanDisc 16GB flash drive and put it up against a 16GB non-official (but also a SanDisc) flash drive.  The unbranded, according to Amazon prices, is 59% cheaper.  Huh?  You demand another reason to be morally outraged at Microsoft?  How about the fact that the 16GB flash drive above-mentioned retails at 70 dollars.  They’re also offering an 8 GB drive…but that’s 40 dollars…even though I think you and I both thought such wouldn’t be any different than its larger counterpart.

Oh, and a few more details (though you likely won’t enjoy these either) that flash drive you’re considering as your new de-facto memory card?  It’s going to need at least need a minimum of 1 GB free to function, and no matter how large it is, no more than 16 GB can be allocated to Xbox 360 storage.  “That doesn’t matter, I have a shit-ton of flash drives,” you say.  Well, you can only officially register two flash drives to every console.

Hold on, do you hear that siren?

That’s the Fun Police.

And we’re all getting pulled over.

#4 Some People Love Games, Others Tattoo Them On Their Bodies–On a slightly less melodramatic note, allow me to present something shocking.  Sure, we’ve all seen umpteen Mario, Pac-Man, and Zelda/Triforce tattoos.  Questionable?  Sometimes…but these games are timeless, and proven their mettle.

How about getting a rather large tattoo of a game that hasn’t even hit store shelves?  Now, I’m not saying that I think Red Dead Redemption will be a bad game…in fact, alongside Alan Wake, it’s one of the few games I’m looking forward to in the upcoming months.  I am saying that etching the game’s box art, in all its Technicolor glory, into your skin…might be something one might regret down the line.  So, for my sake (but mostly HIS) let’s all join together in hoping that Red Dead Redemption doesn’t suck.

...Because who wouldn't want to have a ton of conversations with their kids about why Daddy's leg is attempting to murder them?

Otherwise, dude, you better find some huge-ass socks.

#5 Name Your Shit Game After a Lady Gaga Song…and Apparently It’ll Sell–As a general rule, games panned by most critics still stand a decent chance of selling decently.  Just look at a fair amount of the movie tie-in titles out there.  However, few titles universally detested by critics sell two million copies in a little under five months.  They also don’t tend to end up as the fastest-selling new IP on the Wii.

But…that’s exactly what Just Dance has done. The premise?  You put the Wiimote in your right hand, pick a song to dance to from a list of only 32, and imitate the movements of the on-screen dancer.  But the controls and grading system have been labeled as “sloppy,” and the Wii’s motion detection system is apparently just as “wonky” in Just Dance as it has been in other titles where it was poorly implemented.

Now, I'll be honest...I'm not ashamed, I do like Katy Perry's "Hot and Cold." Don't judge me. When all else fails, ignore the music and stare at her.

The game has a “47″ overall from 19 critics on Metacritic, for those wondering.

Overall, it’s just interesting to see this sort of highly polarizing reaction between critics and consumers, the likes of which hardly happens in the gaming industry.  People will buy CDs or go to films almost without seeking any conforming opinions from critics, because it’s an experience that tends to find itself costing ten dollars or less.

Video games, obviously, are usually five to six times that, and any semi-concerned gamer seeks affirmation from “those with the advance copies.”  But…that’s the key…most of these Just Dance purchasers probably aren’t anything close to such.

Still…two million?  Really?

#6 Magicka Brings Back the co-op Dungeon Crawling Fun–I’m a sucker for awesome XBLA games, especially those that happen to revive some of gaming’s finest moments that I was either too young to appreciate at their point of inception, or wasn’t around at all for, period.  Sure, I played Diablo, but that didn’t scream co-op fun, and, well, Crystal Chronicles wasn’t super fun in the first place.  It was expensive, did happen to have a super kiddy art design, and lacked a compelling storyline or likable characters that resonated with the player.

This was awesome. Having to play it in a cabin in the woods that closely resembled that of the one in Evil Dead? Not so awesome.

I was going to try the new Gauntlet game, (Seven Sorrows) but, if I recall correctly, Zander steered me away from that (though I didn’t have either a PS2 or Xbox at the time, so it wasn’t like I was going to purchase it anyway).  I guess what I’m getting at is that its been a long, long time since I stumbled on that Gauntlet arcade machine up at Interlochen Arts Academy, and I’ve been eager to see something successfully capture that experience.

It looks like Arrowhead Games’ (please note their awesome logo) Magicka just might accomplish exactly that.  There’s a pretty cool preview on Joystiq that you can peruse at your leisure right here, but I’ll highlight some of the more interesting points.

One of the main emphases for the game is stackable and elemental-based spell casting, which is completely handled with the right analogue stick, and allows for co-op spell casting, too.  For example, you could simply stack up two fire spells and create a stronger one, or stack fire and water to create a steam attack spell, interesting, no?

Otherwise, just take a gander at the trailer included here, I love the sense of humor it uses, as well as the Castle Crashers sense of madness it embraces, but the game apparently emphasizes 4 member party strategies in which players are advised to divvy up roles as offensive spell-caster, party bodyguard, healer…etc.  Alternately, they could all just team up and cast one huge spell, but you probably already figured that out.

It’s hard to talk at great lengths about a game that isn’t so much trying to make an artistic or intellectual statement, but simply create hours and hours of fun.  And lighting your friends on fire.

So…what I’m trying to say is…it looks fun…amiright?

#7 How Alan Wake Moved Up The European Release Date OR Why I Will be Hating Europe Until May 18th–Until yesterday when I first read a certain article, all was right with the world…then I discovered that Alan Wake’s European release date of May 21st was bumped up to May 14th.  I get it.  Remedy Entertainment is a European (Finnish, to be specific) studio.  Does that entitle them to get the first peek?

It's Alan Wake. It's moody. And it borrows heavily from the tradition of Twin Peaks.

No.

I am an American.

Notable Exports: Freedom.  Fast Food.  Explosions.  Witty HBO Programs.

Notable Imports: Whatever I want.

And right now, that’s Alan Wake. And their refusal to also bump up the American release date is…downright un-American.  And wrong.  The only think that makes me feel moderately okay about the whole mess is that the title recently passed Microsoft certification, meaning that the release date of May 18th, as unpleasant as it might be, isn’t likely to get worse.  If anything else, we’ve at least got this wonderful new Alan Wake trailer to work with.

#8 Because Everyone Else Cares About Gears…Even Though I Don’t–So Cliffy B (I’m not going to call him “Dude Huge,” okay?) was supposed to premiere his new title on Jimmy Fallon’s show tonight.  Then, for reasons that have been vaguely categorized as “scheduling issues” (some say Cliffy got bumped back a couple days for teenage heartthrob Justin Bieber)  Gears of War’s biggest fan ended up getting penciled in for April 12th.

That’s all we knew until a couple hours ago…but now EDGE magazine has Cliffy B suggesting that the studio wanted more time to polish the title. Of course, this is responsible journalism, free of rumors and gossip (as well as anything most people are remotely interested in hearing) and that’s not the kind of club I want to be a member of.

Name: Cliffy B...Occupation: Game Designer...Hobbies: Murder.

So, let’s dispense with some unconfirmed reports.  EDGE has also heard from an obviously unnamed source several key details about Gears of War 3.  This includes the fact that the game will take place in summer, include underwater levels as well as mech suits, and also new weapons for both the Covenant the Locust Horde, as well as Mr. Fenix’s Posse of Testosterone Embodiment.

There.

Also, Cliffy B?  Please don’t harm Jimmy Fallon with any of your life size working weapon replicas, please.  He’s still funnier than Leno.

Then my internet decided to be super spotty at home…and more or less now functions in seven to eight minute spurts.  Nonetheless (with the assistance of Jumpin’ Java’s wi-fi over the next hour or so) I shall at least attempt such an effort (though I do reserve the right to not post one day and double post the following day, to be reasonable).

In regards to this clip, truth be told, most of you have already seen it…and that’s mostly because I, Nicholas B White, showed it to you (or strong-armed you into temporarily ceasing whatever productive things you were doing on your computer to go to said site).  It’s for a title called Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet, an indie PC title that’ll soon be showing up on Xbox Live. It reminds me a lot of Pixel Junk Shooter, or any other title that is far too reflex-heavy and inevitably results in me playing something turn-based.  One of those.  Anyway, take a gander, and join me after the presentation for a few short thoughts.

Well?  Isn’t that one of the most beautiful things you’ve ever seen?  The art design has a very stark “cardboard cut-out-esque” nature to it, the level variety is impressive, and the game looks disturbingly hard…which is probably the only thing that has me remotely worried about it.  Otherwise, it does merit mentioning that the XBLA catalog keeps getting better and better, going from a “simply there” gimmick to something that actually merits attention as a venue for innovative and (most of the time) affordable to their retail counterparts.

On that note, has anybody tried Toy Soldiers yet?  It’s one of the few Live Arcade titles that I’ve been somewhat interested in, and yet, haven’t picked up.  Mostly due to my complete ineptitude with RTS titles.

You can summon giant men on fire, electrically-charged spiders, and fairys that function as de-facto lanterns. I love The Bard's Tale.

Or, if you’ve had Dragon Age issues with DLC and a fair share of apathy when it comes to remedying said issue, then, like me, you’re still finishing that too. And…all the while eying all the other titles you’ve amassed in the meantime, giving you “come hither” glances from your shelf space.

It is on that note that I should probably issue a written/typed apology to several of those programs, lest they take offense.

1.  Dear Mass Effect 2,

Please know that I can’t way to unlock my Collector’s Edition armor, to caress your brushed steelbook case, to slowly unbuckle the clasps shyly encasing your 2 discs of sheer gaming ecstasy and another reserved for special content.

I’ve taken the liberty of penciling in a date in my Page-A-Day, upon which I will tentatively rub you on the low-level rainforest that is my chest.  I’ve also made a killer mixtape of Michael Bolton and Enya tuns to spoon to.  Spoon positions TBD.  If the night goes well, and you play your cards right, I’ll invite my friend “Iron Man pre-order armor” over, and we’ll make it a night for the ages.

I...AM...IRON MAN...or something that bears a keen approximation to such within the game Mass Effect 2. One of the two.

Here’s the problem, I don’t know exactly what day it’ll be.  If I could I’d have it be every night for eternity…or at least until the end of days and/or the Rapture takes place.  Upon which I’d likely have to atone for the sinful things you and I did.

I promise, one day, like all truly destined lovers, we will meet…and until that day comes when I can rid myself of your comely, yet personality-driven brethren (coughDragonAgecough) my dreams will have to do.

2.  Hey The Saboteur, how’s that shrink-wrapped prison and EA security tag treating ya?

Look, you picked the wrong time to go on sale.  I’d only finished up the Nazi shooting gallery that was Wolfenstein.  I was all “Nazi-ed out,” if you can believe that such a thing is possible.

“Impossible,” you say.

I know.  It does seem impossible.

The above-mentioned scenario will not end well for one of the two participants, care to weigh in on which?

After that experience with a title that handed out achievements like the Titanic handed out lifeboats (namely, sparingly) I was on the prowl for an “achievement-slut” of a game.  Something that wasn’t going to hold back, demand too much of my time, or insist that I return days later for an equally-costly “second play-through.”

In the immortal words of Queen, “I want it all…I want it all…I want it all…and I want it NOW.”  Freddy Mercury, now there’s a guy that knew what he wanted.

So, I found such in the “Red light” bargain bin district title that was Bully: Scholarship Edition. No second play-throughs, no online achievements, no “beat in X amount of time” goals, none of that.  So we had a fling lasting 13 gameplay hours.  Not much to look at, but like all Rockstar titles, she had story and depth in spades.

BULLY, to my understanding, is quite unlike ANYONE'S experience in a prep school setting...but that's probably why it's such an enjoyable game.

Do I think you’ll be a better “Nazi blood spurting” simulator than Raven Software’s take on such?  I certainly think so.  Plus, I need to “set you free” real soon so that I can register my Boobies “Midnight Show” DLC.  Aka, female mammary glands downloadable content.  Listen, I’m going to get what I paid for, especially if it’s a Vichy France gentleman’s club.  Keep putting expiration dates on your DLC, and I’ll kick your teeth in, EA.

Editor’s Note: Since the early drafting of this piece, the author has indeed began playing The Saboteur, and finds it great fun rigging dynamite to Nazi sniper nests.

3.  Midnight Club: LA–Look, it’s not my damn fault that they cut the price ten bucks and threw in all the DLC for free one week later in some “player’s choice” edition.  Every time I think of reaching for you, the above-mentioned anecdote is all that crosses my mind, and boy, does it make it mad.

Well…that may just be the start of a lengthy list of apologies, something I’ll likely delve into at some other point.

*Ahem*

Soo….*awkward pause*  What have you been playin’?

For those who don’t know much about Warren Spector’s brainchild, the Deus Ex series is one of the coolest open-ended RPGs out there, giving players literally oodles (that’s right, as in the word that happens to rhyme with “noodles”) of methods to accomplish a set goal.  Even though I never managed to exceute any of the options presented to me with great success.  It was a hard game, people.

But…that also was…ten years ago.  Sure, we got a sequel in late 2003 in Invisible War, but depending on who you talk to, many weren’t happy with it, with many of the faults being attributed to a simultaneous pc-console development cycle that worked to the favor of neither party involved.

Anyway, here we are, a little under seven years later: development studio Ion Storm no longer exists, Warren Spector is all cooped up in a corner office somewhere, convinced that he and Mickey Mouse are going to revive the lackluster fate of third-party titles for the Wii, and Square Enix now owns Eidos.  Feel free to insert your own Bob Dylan lyric that happens to involve how these times…they are a changin’.

Here’s something that never changes, attempting to milk successful franchises.  Now, that’s not to say I think this Deus Ex title will be a burgeoning sack of mediocrity, in fact, from this trailer, there’s very little one can suggest about the title.  Let’s roll that clip, and join me afterword for thoughts.

So, let’s go over what I  noticed:

–”Square Enix…WTF…oh, that’s right, they work/own Eidos now.”

–”Who we are is but a stepping stone to what we can become”…I don’t know if this belongs on a self-empowerment poster we find in some corporate office with a sailboat above it…or if this is some DNA self-betterment craziness we heard in Bioshock. Oh, wait…it’s Deus Ex, I’d run with the latter.

–People that look like Spanish explorers or something gazing rather intently at an oddly golden man’s body (tools and instruments shown before the body suggesting it might have been them that modified it)…who then glows…gains wings, and bursts out of the top of the building…toward the Sun…DOES NOBODY READ THEIR GREEK MYTHS ANYMORE?  THIS IS BAD IDEA PEOPLE, NOTHING GOOD WILL COME OF IT…IT LOOKS THE SAME FROM 10 FEET AWAY AS IT DOES FROM EARTH.

–WAIT…it’s just a dream…ah.  My favorite cliche in any narrative, dreaming that you’ve flown into the sun after a rather extensive bodily exam by a half dozen men only to wake up with a bio-mechanical arm.  I have this dream all the time.

–What you do when you have a bio-mechanical arm:

1.  Smoke

2.  Drink (making sure that you crack the glass a bit, if possible)

–”If you want to make enemies…try to change something”–is this some inside joke to the planned changes and departures from the mechanics of past Deus Ex titles?  Oh burn.  But seriously, knowing that guy had a injured humerus…that’s wicked crazy.

–The blade though?  Really?  Why does EVERYBODY think bringing a knife to a gun fight is the best thing evar? My advice would be bring a bigger gun to a gun fight.  Or….to just flee.

Anyway, the game’s going to take place before either of the other two entries, roughly two decades before, when the augments (which were previously nanite-based) are bio-mechanical instead.  Other important changes involve regenerating health (which is already pissing off tons of old-school Deus Ex fans) and a departure from the universal ammo of previous titles.  Should be cool though…if anything else, Square Enix is handling the cutscenes, so there should be eye candy delivered in spades.

Finally for those about to say, “this doesn’t look very good” or some variant of such…this game is still well in the middle of development.  The most they’ve said is that we should expect to hear more at E3 2010.